Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Crystal of Ool Thul Ha



On finding out about the mystic Crystal of Ool Thul Ha, a magical gem that was capable of reaching into the collective unconscious and dragging things of pure imagination into the real world and making them not just real, but also keeping their fantastic powers and abilities intact, Leo Maxwell Gordon was determined that he would be the one to find it!


Then he discovered that someone else had not only already gotten hold of it, they were using it, turning objects and people into things and characters from myth and fiction, and they were doing it not for power, but money!


“This is even better!” thought Leo, who had wanted to use the Crystal for conquest and intimidation, but mostly just to kick the asses of a long list of people, starting in high school, and continuing after, who had given him hell for not being “one of the crowd,” i.e. a nerd.


“I won't have to make all the personal sacrifices and years of labor the books say you have to preform to activate the Crystal, I'll pay the price the person who did do it is asking, then once they've turned the power of the Crystal on me, I'll use my vast knowledge of anime and manga to become... I don't know... Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach, or InuYash, or Vampire Hunter D, or... I know! Goku from Dragon Ball! Then I'll just take the Ool Thul Ha from this fool and nothing in the world will be able to stop me! HA HA HA HA” Laughed Leo actually doing a fairly good super villain laugh, at least until he had to stop and cough for a half minute.


Hunting down the location of the holder of the Crystal via The Eclipse Web, the arcane and esoteric part of the Internet hidden from most people.


Leo was a little disappointed at just how prosaic the whole affair turned out to be. He didn't have to pass any tests, or surmount any challenges, or anything like that, apparently just just having been able to find out that there was a Crystal Of Ool Thul Ha, and who had it, was enough, that and giving this person and the people around her a person wad of cash... “goodby faithful Honda Civic,” said Leo as he sold the last of his possessions of to get the money for the audience with the person who had the Crystal.


The transformation turned out to be an anti-climax, with the mysterious woman who preformed it hardly even paying any attention to Leo, just saying “Okay, think about what you want to become, but don't be too disappointed if you don't get exactly what you want, this mystic crap is wonky on the best of days, but remember this above all NO REFUNDS.”


At least things got a little more interesting when one of her people let him into the “Chamber of Imaginings” which was a large room with the wall painted to look like it was the middle of a forest glen at twilight, scattered around the chamber were seven stone slabs that person leading him in told him were designed to “capture and hold items that you might drag back out of the collective unconscious when you change, you know? Like stuff like Bat-cycles, tricorders, things like that, sometimes they're empty, once a fellow dragged back Silver the Wonder Horse, only living thing that's come over so far, but who know? Anyway, good luck and no talking to the boss lady.


Getting a push from the attendant, who had other clients to deal with Leo found himself in the middle of the softly lit blue and black room, track lighting streaming down on the seven slabs looking at the woman who he had seen earlier and who possessed the Crystal which was held around her next like a pendent, without a word she pointed this at him and Leo was hit with what he though must be a million volts or electricity, combined with a full body Icee-headache, and a desperate need to sneeze.


This to say the least made concentrating about becoming a real life Goku just a bit on the impossible side, Leo however did the best he could.


The sneeze, when it came, took the form of him popped back into reality. Leo knew by the way he felt that the Crystal of Ool Thu Ha had done its work! Whatever that might be.


All Leo knew was that he felt grand, extraordinary, different. “But my mind was all over the place, who have I turned into?” wondered Leo.


Thinking he would ask the woman who had held the gem what had happened to him, he saw that she had left while whatever was happening to him had been happening.


“So who am I, I wonder.” thought Leo, giving himself an exploratory pat-down using, to his surprise, a pair of hands now covered in gloves he had not been wearing before the change.



As Leo patted a sinking sensation came over her. “Oh crap,” said the now living embodiment of Jessie of Team Rocket from Pokémon, the first character from anime to catch Leo's imagination.


“WALREIN!” said the Walrein Pokémon standing behind her which, along with one Lickitung, Jumpluff, Mr. Mime, Bidoof, Magikarp, and Luvdisc were now the first and only living Pokémon, whatever those sorts of things might be, in the world and now they were Leo's or rather Jessie's to figure out what to do with.


“Should have kept the Civic and taken that job as a data entry keyer,” Said Leo / Jessie, the only person on the planet with naturally magenta hair, as she gathered up her various Pokémon into their various Pokéballs. “I wonder if there's any real money in making personal appearances at Sci-Fi conventions?”


There isn't.


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